Life advice

[James Vette]

No matter what job I try it always falls apart and I end up hating it and yes I can assure you I do work very hard every day. I am completely lost in life and feel defeated... I feel pathetic that I can't just fall into place like everyone else. I really am lost and need advice to be on the right path. I am shocked I even got my dream car in the first place but I saved my money as I wanted it so bad and love american classics so much.

[Pete]

I am sure that many people have felt like that at some point (or multiple points) in their lives.

I am also sure that other people's lives do not run like clockwork and your perception of that does not mean that theirs do!

I am sorry that you currently feel the way you do, and would be happy to talk to you if you feel if would be of any benefit.

All the best

Pete

07837 789840

[Mark B]

Try and do a job you enjoy. Then it doesn't feel like you're doing a job.

Also you should be proud, you've got a nice car.

Good luck.

[Stu]

Number 1 rule, don’t believe everything you see on Social Media, most everyone is falling to bits behind the scenes in some way or another. Don’t fall in to the trap of thinking everyone else is just falling into place. People tend to show the shiny side, not all the grief and hard work that’s gone into that moment you see in a photo. Or the crap that’s going on just outside the frame.

The other thing to remember is, everything is just a phase. Good or bad, it will change, develop and take you by surprise at random times.

You are a young man with a 70’s vette, that’s something I couldn’t have dreamed of when I was that age. Don’t wish your life away, take it as it comes, keep getting up and throwing punches and sooner or later they will start to land.

All that said and at risk of sounding like an arse, if you really hit rock bottom then it’s important to speak to someone professional. A bunch of people on the internet (especially be wary of knobheads on Facebook who profess to have all the answers) are not going to be as much help. You don’t know the circumstances or intentions of the people soliciting the advice and, more importantly, they don’t know you well enough to judge if the advice is good for you or not.

Hope you start to feel like you are making progress soon, but don’t beat yourself up or believe everyone was on the right road in their 20’s. I assure you, myself included, most weren’t.

Good luck, you’ve got ages yet.

[gmopar59]

James, I'm 64 and still don't know what I am doing or if I'm any good or if it's what I want to do. Don't beat yourself up. Put some gas in her and hit the road. I mean, I'm stitting home alone watching womens' football!

[James Vette]

Thank you for your comments guys it really helps. I'm a very positive person and always work hard but sometimes life really gets to me and I break down. It doesn't help at all that as you guys are saying that everyone around me seem to be successful and stable but obviously it's most likely a lie. Thanks again.

[Pete]

Well done, James; Keep on keeping on!

[morgan]

Just to echo really James and reach out - you are not alone in the way the mind-monkey can make you feel. For what its worth, as far as I can see, most people are blagging it in some way; what you see is not the reality. I only really came to terms with this once I got a bit older I think - and even though I know it to be true I still punish myself.

Also, the point on social media - I've been in IT for 30+yrs and I dont have a social media account outside of this really. (few work things. Thats all really). Its a terrible thing - its wreaking havoc with the mental health of a generation - the pressure to achieve kudos is just immense - its evil really; we are just not designed to deal with it. I know its hard but its just a show - dont let it pull you down.

Dont let stigma prevent you from seeking help. Its the hardest bit - but you dont seem like someone who shies away.
You got this buddy.

[cadboy]

James no one has said life is easy and enjoyable everyday, all one can do is get up everyday and be ready for whatever happens that day.

Most have worked hard and have nothing much to show for it, but you have your dream car at a young age, and that is a GREAT achievement to be very proud of.

I do the same and look at others and say why haven't I got that much or that house or that expensive car, but when I look around me and see what I have and how I got here, then I say thanks for it and as long as you can carry on then that is more important.

And remember:
Happiness is better that having lots but not happy.

All the best mate

Ali

[cadboy]

James no one has said life is easy and enjoyable everyday, all one can do is get up everyday and be ready for whatever happens that day.

Most have worked hard and have nothing much to show for it, but you have your dream car at a young age, and that is a GREAT achievement to be very proud of.

I do the same and look at others and say why haven't I got that much or that house or that expensive car, but when I look around me and see what I have and how I got here, then I say thanks for it and as long as you can carry on then that is more important.

And remember:
Happiness is better that having lots but not happy.

All the best mate

sorry pressed the wrong button

[Mark B]

as you guys are saying that everyone around me seem to be successful and stable but obviously it's most likely a lie.

Yes, it's all smoke and mirrors. Most flash cars you see are owned by leasing companies (80% of new cars) and most people in their 20s with a house, the bank owns most of it.

[TIB3300]

No matter what job I try it always falls apart and I end up hating it and yes I can assure you I do work very hard every day. I am completely lost in life and feel defeated... I feel pathetic that I can't just fall into place like everyone else. I really am lost and need advice to be on the right path. I am shocked I even got my dream car in the first place but I saved my money as I wanted it so bad and love american classics so much.

Hello James

You did ask for advice, do you mined If I ask you a few questions

[Pete]

Hello James

You did ask for advice, do you mined If I ask you a few questions

It may be better to do this via PM's - it will ensure a bit of privacy.

All the best.

Pete

[TIB3300]

Hello James

You did ask for advice, do you mined If I ask you a few questions

It may be better to do this via PM's - it will ensure a bit of privacy.

All the best.

Pete

Morning Pete
As James has posted publicly, I thought it would be Ok to share peoples thoughts and experiences with James.

As on here we all seem to be intelligent and helpful people without a negative agenda.

[Dave999]

well when i'm down and lost i have learned that no matter how much i don't wanna do anything.... you know...... on those days when getting out of bed means starting another day....

actually getting out of bed and doing something that can be seen as a success for the day... acts as a foundatation to build on.... get some emotional/mental/well being money in the bank...before you go to work

action/tick it off as done/smile at the world all around.... this is key...just forcing a smile makes you feel better

even something simple... wash the dishes say hello to the postie or the bus driver, or just something to brighten your day and their day...i'm not talking PITA happy.. just a nod of recongition or a "mornin".... like everyone used to do..

you just need to get something done, to your satisfaction.... to boost that day

once you have done it, you are more likely to feel better and to smile..

and once you have done that, and people smile back, the world is your oyster.

its like they know....like they are agreeing that they too, have ticked something off, you just joined the "got up and did something gang" its like a validation that today has started with a success, so why they hell shouldn't that continue, and you both know it.

if the link you need is to feel part of something start here... a tiny change with huge benefits, join the head up "mornin" gang rather than the head down "get out of my way " gang.

if the thing you do also improves matters for somone else...even better.....

don't underestimate the power of ticking something off... feeling stupidly proud of yourself for getting your act together, to make a good start for that day.....
and smiling to celebrate your success no matter how tiny/silly/small or massive, it is....

then you go to work with a bit of " emotional" money in the bank. bit of positivity provides positive feedback... you are much harder to knock over.

Even if the next time you stack the dishwasher... you think what a patronising w*****r that dave is.... and smile........
then i can smile...i might have done something to help

tick it off as done...

can't say if this will work in all sitautions, i know little about yours, but it has served me well....


Dave