Curry is bad for you...........
Moderator: Moderators
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Minty
- Posts: 573
- Joined: Sun Apr 18, 04 11:16 pm
- Location: Terry Step Hindhead,Highest village in surrey
Three women were sitting in a bar, (burnette, redhead, and a blonde) they were all pregnant. The burnette says, "I know what I'm going to have." The other to asked how. She replied, "Well I was on top when I concieved so I will have a baby boy". The red head said, "If your logic is correct then I will have a baby girl because I was on the bottom when I concieved. The blonde starts crying and orders another shot and starts screaming, "PUPPIES, PUPPIES!".
1972 Chrysler Valiant Charger 770 -1006 Magnum 360 Rocket ship
1972 Chrysler Valiant Charger 770 rolling shell under restoration -667
2002 Chrysler Sebring Convertible
1972 Chrysler Valiant Charger 770 rolling shell under restoration -667
2002 Chrysler Sebring Convertible
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Johnny Dart
- Posts: 852
- Joined: Tue Dec 24, 13 12:46 pm
- Location: East Sussex
Yorkshire man takes his cat to the vet.
Yorkshireman: "Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee about me cat."
Vet: "Is it a tom?"
Yorkshireman: "Nay, I've browt it with us."
***
A Yorkshireman's dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by.
Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?"
Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?"
Yorkshireman: "No I want it chewin' a bone yer daft bugger!"
***
A Yorkshireman's wife dies and the widower decides that her headstone should have the words "she were thine" engraved on it.
He calls the stone mason, who assures him that the headstone will be ready a few days after the funeral. True to his word the stone mason calls the widower to say that the headstone is ready and would he like to come and have a look.
When the widower gets there he takes one look at the stone to see that it's been engraved "she were thin". He explodes - Bananarama! 'ell man, you've left the Bananarama! "e" out, you've left the Bananarama! "e" out!
The stone mason apologises and assures the poor widower that it will be rectified the following morning. Next day comes and the widower returns to the stone mason - "There you go sir, I've put the "e" on the stone for you".
The widower looks at the stone and then reads out aloud -
"E, she were thin".
***
Bloke from Barnsley with a sore arsehole asks chemist "Nah then lad, does tha sell arse cream?"
Chemist replies "Aye, magnum or cornetto?"
Yorkshireman: "Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee about me cat."
Vet: "Is it a tom?"
Yorkshireman: "Nay, I've browt it with us."
***
A Yorkshireman's dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by.
Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?"
Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?"
Yorkshireman: "No I want it chewin' a bone yer daft bugger!"
***
A Yorkshireman's wife dies and the widower decides that her headstone should have the words "she were thine" engraved on it.
He calls the stone mason, who assures him that the headstone will be ready a few days after the funeral. True to his word the stone mason calls the widower to say that the headstone is ready and would he like to come and have a look.
When the widower gets there he takes one look at the stone to see that it's been engraved "she were thin". He explodes - Bananarama! 'ell man, you've left the Bananarama! "e" out, you've left the Bananarama! "e" out!
The stone mason apologises and assures the poor widower that it will be rectified the following morning. Next day comes and the widower returns to the stone mason - "There you go sir, I've put the "e" on the stone for you".
The widower looks at the stone and then reads out aloud -
"E, she were thin".
***
Bloke from Barnsley with a sore arsehole asks chemist "Nah then lad, does tha sell arse cream?"
Chemist replies "Aye, magnum or cornetto?"
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Dave-R
- Posts: 24752
- Joined: Sun Apr 18, 04 11:23 pm
- Location: Dave Robson lives in Geordieland
- Contact:
Geordie jokes are harder to do.
Geordie calls the AA.
"I've had to pull ower cos there's steam cumin oot from under the bonnet".
The Geordie AA operator askes "Are ye ower Heatin?"
The driver replies "Narr am ower Byker Bridge!"
Geordie in a coffee shop orders a coffee.
Waitress askes "Would you like a biscuit or a meringue"?
Geordie says "Narr yer reet Pet. I'd love a biscuit."
Geordie calls the AA.
"I've had to pull ower cos there's steam cumin oot from under the bonnet".
The Geordie AA operator askes "Are ye ower Heatin?"
The driver replies "Narr am ower Byker Bridge!"
Geordie in a coffee shop orders a coffee.
Waitress askes "Would you like a biscuit or a meringue"?
Geordie says "Narr yer reet Pet. I'd love a biscuit."
Little johnny is walking down the road, he spots a welding mask discarded on the pavement.
He puts it on and is looking around in wonder now that everything has gone green.
Just then the local pervert taps him on the shoulder,
Young man do you know what cunnelingus is?
No sorry,
Do you know what fellatio is?
Er no,
Do you know what buggery is?
Look mate, I just found the mask I'm not a real welder...
He puts it on and is looking around in wonder now that everything has gone green.
Just then the local pervert taps him on the shoulder,
Young man do you know what cunnelingus is?
No sorry,
Do you know what fellatio is?
Er no,
Do you know what buggery is?
Look mate, I just found the mask I'm not a real welder...
“Buy it broke and fix it wrong, it’s the American way”
[quote="Johnny Dart"]Yorkshire man takes his cat to the vet.
Yorkshireman: "Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee about me cat."
Vet: "Is it a tom?"
Yorkshireman: "Nay, I've browt it with us."
***
A Yorkshireman's dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by.
Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?"
Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?"
Yorkshireman: "No I want it chewin' a bone yer daft bugger!"
***
A Yorkshireman's wife dies and the widower decides that her headstone should have the words "she were thine" engraved on it.
He calls the stone mason, who assures him that the headstone will be ready a few days after the funeral. True to his word the stone mason calls the widower to say that the headstone is ready and would he like to come and have a look.
When the widower gets there he takes one look at the stone to see that it's been engraved "she were thin". He explodes - Bananarama! 'ell man, you've left the Bananarama! "e" out, you've left the Bananarama! "e" out!
The stone mason apologises and assures the poor widower that it will be rectified the following morning. Next day comes and the widower returns to the stone mason - "There you go sir, I've put the "e" on the stone for you".
The widower looks at the stone and then reads out aloud -
"E, she were thin".
***
Bloke from Barnsley with a sore arsehole asks chemist "Nah then lad, does tha sell arse cream?"
Chemist replies "Aye, magnum or cornetto?"
Can someone explain the first one please.
Yorkshireman: "Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee about me cat."
Vet: "Is it a tom?"
Yorkshireman: "Nay, I've browt it with us."
***
A Yorkshireman's dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by.
Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?"
Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?"
Yorkshireman: "No I want it chewin' a bone yer daft bugger!"
***
A Yorkshireman's wife dies and the widower decides that her headstone should have the words "she were thine" engraved on it.
He calls the stone mason, who assures him that the headstone will be ready a few days after the funeral. True to his word the stone mason calls the widower to say that the headstone is ready and would he like to come and have a look.
When the widower gets there he takes one look at the stone to see that it's been engraved "she were thin". He explodes - Bananarama! 'ell man, you've left the Bananarama! "e" out, you've left the Bananarama! "e" out!
The stone mason apologises and assures the poor widower that it will be rectified the following morning. Next day comes and the widower returns to the stone mason - "There you go sir, I've put the "e" on the stone for you".
The widower looks at the stone and then reads out aloud -
"E, she were thin".
***
Bloke from Barnsley with a sore arsehole asks chemist "Nah then lad, does tha sell arse cream?"
Chemist replies "Aye, magnum or cornetto?"
Can someone explain the first one please.
1968 Ford Fairlane 500 Wimbledon White. Currently a 302 auto but to be 410 4 speed.
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Johnny Dart
- Posts: 852
- Joined: Tue Dec 24, 13 12:46 pm
- Location: East Sussex
